Fake Steve, the hilarious or hateful (depending on your take, I lean towards the former) blogalter-ego of former Forbes writer, current Newsweek writer retired a while back, only to re-emerge as himself: Real Dan. His debut post? Fake Steve buys an iPhone, gets no respect. (Warning: Real Dan’s language is as salty as Fake Steve’s ever was, so not for the easily offended).
Finally I traveled out to the horrible Burlington mall where I bought the iPhone and was stopped at the door of the Apple store by an incredibly [redacted]ish Apple “concierge” (that’s Spanish for “smug useless [redacted]head”) who heard me out and then told me, politely, to go [redacted] myself because Apple couldn’t fix the email address on my account. I was like, Dude you’re the retards who typed it in wrong. Shouldn’t you fix it? He told me, again, very politely, to go [redacted] myself. I was like, Dude do you know who I am? I invented Fake Steve. Have you heard of him? He was like, Fake who? What? Huh? He then suggested I go bother the morons at the AT&T store in the same mall. I did, and there I was met by an even more developmentally disabled cretin who said AT&T couldn’t help me either.
It’s the end of the blogsphere as we know it, and dagnabit I don’t feel fine. Why? Fake Steve is retiring. Former Forbes columnist Dan Lyons, who once panned bloggers and later rose to internet stardom after being exposed as one of the most infamous — and best in some opinions — bloggers of them all, is heading to Newsweek and will be switching his posting over to his own name. No doubt his content will continue to be razor sharp and wickedly insightful — if not inciting — but Fake Steve has become such an icon of the Web 2.0 age that I can’t help but think the loss of Dear Leader, El Jobso, the wake-and-baker himself will leave the net just a little emptier.
Sappy much? Go read his Greatest Hits (scroll down the sidebar) if you haven’t already. iPhone fans may want to start here.
Now let’s all raise our precisely 98 degree organic, monkey-picked health teas (in bone-white #7 porcelain cups) in toast, b’okay?
Namaste Fake Steve. We honor the place where your sarcastic wit and our laughter met.
Okay, so their names weren’t really Harold & Kumar (Fukaba and Vincenti, for the record), but then again it doesn’t really sound like they were banned for life from the Apple Store as initial Interwebs rumor mongering suggested, b’okay?
Seems some Palo Alta teens were waiting for a classmate, ducked into the Apple Store to burn some time, and ended up getting burned instead. You know the story, boy finds iPhone, boy Jailbreaks iPhone, boy downloads Raging Thunder, to show another boy, Apple Store management, security, police, and parents become involved and hilarity ensues. (Though perhaps not for our hapless hax0rs and their two friends).
Fake Steve has the full fake details on what sounds to me like a bit of a fake — or more accurately overblown — story.
Hopefully no iPhones were bricked in the course of these shenanigans and the boys will be back to giving all their money to Apple again in the near future.
