Wow. Anyone remember what Steve Jobs did to the New York Times when they merely inquired about his health? Imagine what he’ll do to those poor fools at Bloomberg’s who just accidentally published — and then rapidly retracted — his obituary. (Our guess? 9-finger Wu-Shi death touch, minimum).

According to Gawker, the obit-fart:

…contains nothing to indicate Bloomberg has new information on Jobs’s health, at least in our quick skim.

Real Dan (the artist formerly known as Fake Steve), offers perhaps a more appropriate take on both the incident and its reporting:

Luckily, Gawker decided to humiliate Bloomberg by publishing the entire obit, including the list of people that Bloombots should call if/when Dear Leader actually does die, which I’m still not sure he ever will, because as far as I can recall from all that Greek and Latin I took in high school a man-god born of Zeus and mortal woman should be an immortal being, and furthermore, how would Apple PR handle it? I suppose for a while they could just stonewall by saying they weren’t here today to talk about Steve, they were here to talk about how excited everyone is about [FILL IN NAME OF NEW PRODUCT HERE] and maybe they could buy themselves a year or two during which the Apple faithful would continue to believe Steve was really alive despite having seen reports to the contrary on the news.

Strangely, we can’t seem to determine whose filthy hackery is the most fake these days…

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Steve Jobs Not Dead! (But Might Kill Bloomberg News…)