Jeffery Harrell has as as good a reason as any to nominate Apple for the Nobel Peace Prize.
All Articles Tagged Humor
Josh Helfferich created a whimsical set of six satirical iPhone wallpapers to remind us all of the pitfalls of owning an iPhone. His first creation, titled “Attracting total strangers”, strikes close to home for me. I can’t use my iPhone in public without drawing immediate attention to myself.
Initially the allure was charming, but now I’ve grown so weary of attracting gawkers - strangers accosting me with stupid questions, asking me to demo features and functionality. I’m thinking of printing an FAQ card to hold up each time someone approaches me.
Yes, it is an iPhone
Yes, it is awesome
Yes, it works exactly as the TV ads depict
Yes, you are standing on my foot!
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRKIDdIaFyE[/youtube]
Oh snap! This video has all the best qualities of human expression - mockery, sarcasm, ridicule, taunting…reminds me of middle school, minus the bully who stole my lunch money.
Take that, Microsoft…and Greg Johnson! I’ll take back all that lunch money you stole from me in $50s and $100s.
After hours of active use, your iPhone’s screen will become filled with more greasy fingerprints and smudges than the front doors of your local McDonalds. How can you see through all that film? Wipe if off? No, be creative. Express your inner artist. Let your fingers inspire you. Rub your iPhone’s slippery glass surface in delicate strokes, forming shapes and contours. Create images and silhouettes from the deposited facial oil. Where others see a smudgy screen, I see the face of a clown.
Now spray Windex onto a sheet of paper towel, lightly dampened. Then clean your filthy screen, and get back to work. Stop wasting time.
Nothing could be more relaxing than a luxurious home theater environment, complete with movie theater seating. Just lean back in your comfy reclining chair, and immerse yourself in a great flick brought to life by a huge projection screen. Pure ecstasy.
That is until you are ripped back into reality by the unmistakable sound of your iPhone being crushed by the very chair you are sitting in, like the jaws of a giant can crusher. Unlike the movie you were watching, this story doesn’t have a happy ending.
This is precisely what happened to one person, who posted his experience (complete with photos) on Flickr. Here’s the story…
My barely month-old iPhone met its end last night in the home theater. Unbeknownst to me, the phone slipped out of my pocket and down between the cushion and side of the recliner. At the end of the movie, I had a little trouble pushing in the footrest. However, after a few increasingly enthusiastic shoves, I was able to snap the footrest back into place. After a few minutes, I noticed my iPhone was missing. Upon searching the chair, I discovered the phone underneath the recliner with part of the lower half shattered, but it still worked. I had repeatedly crunched my phone in the metal mechanism of the recliner. Luckily, the folks at my local Apple store were kind enough to send me a new 8GB iPhone for free.
figure 1: the black featureless plane here is also an unfortunate metaphor
I don’t like to post iPhone wallpaper sites to the front page unless they’re really good; I usually put them in the rejected story links thread in the forum. And the one I’m about to link to is not good. The UI is designed for the iPhone, but you can’t actually download anything to the iPhone, so you have to download the wallpaper in a UI that’s incredibly constrained on your desktop web browser, leading me to believe that the site creator hasn’t actually used an iPhone. Supporting this theory is the fact that the site is hosted in Japan. And the name is a hilarious Engrish mangle: iPShake. Yes, I-P-Shake. But hey, it has horoscopes. You can get it all here.
ComputerWorld’s ‘Weird, scary, and bizarre iPhone tales. Were it my story, I’d probably try and stuff ’roundup’ or ’smorgasbord’ in the title. But it’s not my story, it’s ComputerWorld’s.
A man recently attended a Weird Al Yankovic performance and managed to get an autograph. He asked the comic to sign the back of his iPhone, thereby reducing its resale value instantly. Tragic!
[via]
Justine Ezarik from Tasty Blog Snack got an unexpected surprise in the mail today - her first phone bill from AT&T, after purchasing an iPhone and switching carriers. Nothing unusual about that, except that it arrived in a box (that would be my first clue that something terribly wrong had occurred at AT&T’s billing department), not an envelope, and…oh yeah…it’s 300 freaking pages long!
AT&T apologized sincerely for this error, and promised that in future all iPhone bills will arrive in carefully packed boxes stacked on wooden palettes, delivered by forklift to your front door for your convenience.
28 year old Thomas Martel of Bonnie Brae, Colorado, found manipulating his iPhone to be difficult thanks to his big fat thumbs always getting in the way. His options were to upgrade to a device with larger buttons, or chop off his thumbs. The choice was obvious - chop off the thumbs, of course. Well not quite.
Martel underwent a relatively new procedure, called “Whittling”, that involves filing down bone and reconstructing muscles and fingertip, creating leaner thumbs that are less bulbous in form.
“From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses. Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it’s saving me in frustration - that’s priceless.”
No, that’s crazy. My legs are too long for my car, bunching up under the steering wheel, but I don’t plan on having two inches of Femur removed to improve my driving.
Who says technology should adapt to us?
[UPDATE:]North Denver News has posted a clarification/retraction to this story, stating that it clearly was an innocent hoax. Here’s a tip…leave the art of parody to the pros, mkay? Thanks.
