Seriously, I’m beginning to heart RIM’s co-CEOs almost as much as I heart Steve Ballmer. Give the mobilemen a venue and a mic, and we get blog gold each and every time. Chronology will help context here:

Mike Lazaridis on touch screen devices:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

This almost the very moment word leaked that RIM was set to release an “Apple Killer” which became the lamentably launched BlackBerry Storm. When reviewers and users alike generally panned the device’s initial, buggy software, Jim Balsillie said GlitchWare was the new Black(Berry):

[RIM and Verizon] made the crucial Black Friday deadline “by the skin of their teeth,” after missing a planned October debut. Mr. Balsillie said such scrambles — and the subsequent software glitches that need to be fixed — are part of the “new reality” of making complex cellphones in large volumes.

Now to put the disrespect cherry high atop of Storm owners frustration sundays, Lazaridis returns with this brain-boggler:

“That’s our first touch product, and you know nobody gets it perfect out the door. You know other companies were having problems with their first releases.”

The iPhone was Apple’s first touch product, and while iPhone 1.0 may have been limited in functionality (and 3.0 may still have boxes yet unchecked), it’s hard to take anyone seriously who doesn’t think Apple not only nailed their first touch product, but their very first phone product of any kind.

Maybe because 1) Apple wasn’t rushing for a Black Friday sales-focused deadline, 2) they weren’t trying to clone a competing device’s feature set, and 3) they cared about user experience more than 1) or 2)?

Many people still use an original iPhone 2G, some even still run iPhone OS 1.x. Storm owners have only themselves to blame for not waiting to buy Storm 2 instead? Ahem. Pitchforks to the right, torches to the left, north to Waterloo!

That said, if Dancing with the Canadian Stars ever becomes a reality, I would still vote for RIM’s co-CEO to take on the Woz role. Let the Laz dance! Ballmer could lend him the Monkey Boy choreography and we just know CrackBerry Kevin would bring out the push-powered voters!

(via Engadget, headline via Jeremy on Twitter)

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CEOh-Snap! Storm Owners, RIM Says Your Device is teh Sux and it’s Your Fault for Buying It

This. Is. iPhone JEOPARDY!… Judges Round!

Way back on March 14 we covered some of the bold, bodacious pontifications the CEOh-no’s of Microsoft, RIM, and Palm had made about the iPhone. Quick-on-the-buzzer as always, it’s time once again to go back to our judges and see how they did!

“Why We’re Not Worried about the iPhone” for 100

Ed Colligan:

“We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone. PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.”

Daily Double-Talk

Steve Ballmer:

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance.”

Final Jeopardy!

“Mike Lazaridis”:

“Talk — all I’m [hearing] is talk about [the iPhone's chances in Enterprise]. I think it’s important that we put this thing in perspective.” [...] “Apple’s design-centric approach [will] ultimately limit its appeal by sacrificing needed enterprise functionality. I think over-focus on one blinds you to the value of the other.” [...] “Apple’s approach produced devices that inevitably sacrificed advanced features for aesthetics.”

And to top it all off:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

Judges?

10 Million iPhones sold in 2008, almost 7 million in Q4 alone. More units of a single SKU moved than all RIM SKUs combined, and more than (we think!) WinMob licenses as well. 200,000,000 App Store downloads, 5500 Apps available, and now being copied by Microsoft, Google, and RIM. Form factor and touch-centricity copied by both Microsoft-OEMs and RIM (who’s also introducing a no-keyboard Blackberry Storm!). And Palm? Er… Anyone heard from Palm lately?

And the Winner Is!

None of the players today.

For the Pundit Round, be sure to check out Daring Fireball’s awesome set of links, and MacDailyNew’s Compendium of iPhone Naysayers.

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iPhone Jeopardy Rerun: Ballmer, Lazaridis, and Colligan Edition!

Pop quiz. You announce the hawt new tic-tac-tile handset in May for a Summer release yet Summer comes and goes, and one of the largest carriers in one of the largest geekphone markets in the world (that’d be AT&T in the USA) keeps rejecting your firmware — over and over again.

Do you push (ha!) back and tell AT&T to first fix their 3G networks, which many now believe amount to the old 2G networks with rabbit-ears welded on top? Do you tell them to shove it up their UTMS and pour all your efforts in the risky virtual keyboard you’re hoping will take Verizon by storm (ho!)? Or do you try to shift focus to the device that forced you to take the risky virtual keyboard risk in the first place, the device that hasn’t yet touched (hee!) your market share, but sucked every inch of mind share out of your smartphone space?

What do you do? Well, if you’re internet dead-pan funny man Mike Lazaridis, CEO of RIM and maker of the sales-leading Blackberry business-monster, do we really even have to ask?

Says Lazaridis (via Crackberry.com):

“There’s great scrutiny, as you might know, on that network and a certain device. So I guess everyone wants to be sure on every last test.” [...] Lazaridis appeared confident that the Bold would not be subject to the iPhone’s problems. “We’re very meticulous about what our product does.”

You mean like after Crackberry Kevin brought a Rogers Bold to New York?

Jump off the plane at La Guardia, and within 48 hours of roaming on AT&T my BlackBerry Bold randomly rebooted itself 5 times, dropped 6 calls while talking (and 3 dropped after only one ring before I could answer) and at one point gave me an Invalid SIM Card error for no reason at all (soft reboot fixed it). Furthermore, my battery life tanked – the Bold was regularly switching between 3G and Edge which I think soaked back a lot of the juice. All in all, I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t the same phone that I was using when I boarded the plane, and the only thing that changed was the Network.

So, er, yeah… What’s causing them delays again?

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CEOh-Snap: RIM Blames iPhone for AT&T Bold-faced Delays!

The. Whole. Screen. Is. A. Flipping. Tic. Tac. Tile. Button.

Seriously. We kid you not (though RIM could be kidding us all?). Sister-site Crackberry.com has all the deets, but…

Seriously? Who’s the usability wizard who came up with this one? Who came up with the single-click point of failure concept? The one mechanism to break it all?

We get that haptics are hard, but the iPhone pretty much showed the industry how to do Touch, and rather than just add the Blackberry messaging powerhouse to that buttery goodness, RIM went and grafted on an mechanic straight out of every 1980s playschool game?

Bravo for challenging Apple (they certainly need it). And kudos for being brave enough to push the metaphor, to take the next step, to propel technology forward. But — seriously? — we hope the feel is light-years beyond the look on this one, and not just for Crackberry Kevin’s sake… Otherwise most annoying gadget innovation of the decade awards beckon…

We guess a certain internet dead-pan funny man was right on the “button” when he said:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

Presuming he was really talking about the ThunderStorm…

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Attack of the iClones: Blackberry ThunderStorm Clicktastic Edition!

Sure, the iPhone 3G launch is tomorrow. Consider this an amuse bouche. Or the opposite of that, an annoy bouche. Whatever. Something salty to make Friday taste all the more sweet!

The subject of today’s battle royal? Nope, not iPhone vs. Blackberry. That’s old. This time it’s Blackberry vs. Blackberry, Blog vs. Blog, over the iClone to end all iClones: the touchscreen Blackberry Thunder!

Says our sister site Crackberry.com, 10th degree Blackberry belts and reigning world champions:

Touchscreen BlackBerry Thunder Keyboard To Utilize Haptic Technology… AMAZING Implementation! [...] Leave it to RIM to CRACK the touchscreen keyboard nut.

Says Boy Genius Report, craftiest of all mobile blogsphere Ninja:

The keyboard is incredibly annoying to type on, and the screen actually shows ripples even when pressed ever-so-lightly. [...] Most of the people who have handled it thinks it’s a joke.

Read on for round 2!

Of course, Crackberry.com ain’t going down without a NERD FIGHT:

Screen is glass. YEP, It’s Multi-touch!!! [... RIM has] apparently been caught flat-footed by the 3G iPhone and its native support for Exchange and the whole Apple ‘aura of goodness’, in the sense that they don’t have the Bold yet ready for comparisons and show’n'tell sessions, media comparisons, etc, so both as a platform-to-platform and device-to-device stakes RIM is feeling the heat from Apple’s iPhone wave, thus they’re putting serious effort into accelerating the Thunder.

But it’s a quick tag to Mike Lazaridis for the RIM CEOh-Snap 180 turn-around KO:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

D’oh! Guess he had no idea about the Thunder at that point either…

Softball sarcasm aside, what’s my take?

Technology is hard. It took Apple a reported 2.5 years to get an iPhone ready to ship (and then, arguably, just barely with firmware that was soon updated), and that’s on top of its rumored prior iTablet development efforts. So, my guess is that the truth lies somewhere in between the hype and the hate: RIM’s working their apps off to get this thing tasty as soon as possible, but that soon won’t be that soon.

Either way, all us smartphone lovers benefit. RIM is making the Thunder precisely because the iPhone has put the pressure on, and if the Thunder is a home run, that pressure shifts to Apple to make something even more astounding for the iPhone v3.

Prior to the iPhone, the industry was complacent. Now its moving again. And that’s a good thing. (Even if it would be a better thing to see less iCloning and more differentiation and innovation from the other manufacturers, b’okay RIM?)

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Attack of the iClones Blog vs. Blog Edition: Crackberry/Boy Genius Haptic Thunder NERDFIGHT!

The Bold. The Storm. The Thunder. One iClonic product after another. How does Blackberry do it? Mole in Apple guru Jonathan Ive’s ultra-secure design studio? Unlikely. Telephoto lens from Waterloo? Impractical. So, what is the secret to all of RIM’s post-iPhone Blackberry’s looking (and soon-to-be-functioning?) so much like Apple’s little pocket universe-dent’er? According to RIM CEO, and noted internet deadpan funnyman, Mike Lazaridis, it’s a simple combination of technology right out of Apple’s (and this blog’s!) back yard:

[W]e have a time machine somewhere, or some kind of magic crystal ball or something.

Apple Time Machine + TiPB Crystal Ball = Blackberry Bold?

To be fair, Lazaridis’s full context was that the Blackberry Bold DIDN’T copy Apple, but had been independently designed 3.5 years ago by RIM, and any similarities (such as the glossy black facade and chrome trim) to Apple’s iPhone were purely coincidental.

Of course, Apple has a long history of design, including the use of just these types of form factors and materials, leading up to, including, and past the iPhone (hello, iMac!), whereas RIM has… none. Nada. Zip. Zilch. So while it’s possible the Bold just happened to be independently conceived of prior to the iPhone going public (yet released nearly a full year after…), how likely is it?

Frankly, with the way Lazaridis seems to lust after talk about it, the iPhone very well could be RIM’s “precious”. And given the nearly obsessive amount of (disjointed and reactionary) response RIM’s displayed post-iPhone, my guess is “not very.”

What do you think?

Read Via

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CEOh-Snap! RIM Admits to Using “Time Machine” to Copy “iPhone”!

Ah, comedy, thy name is Lazaridis!

What, you may ask, makes the CEO of Blackberry manufacturer RIM so knee slapping-ly funny? Deadpan Setups (on April 27th) like this:

THERE’S a reason that R.I.M. is averse to the iPhone’s glass pad. “I couldn’t type on it and I still can’t type on it, and a lot of my friends can’t type on it,” says Mike Lazaridis, R.I.M.’s co-chief executive and technological visionary. “It’s hard to type on a piece of glass.”

Followed by absolutely killer punch-lines (on May 13th):

The BlackBerry Thunder, as it is codenamed now, (all you “reporting” on it as the Storm are incorrect) will launch in Q3 of this year. It is a full touchscreen BlackBerry — no slide out keyboard

Please. Ouch. My ribs. I can’t take it…

Ahem… Okay. So, if RIM is now iCloning a touchscreen of their very own, is it really that Lazaridis and his friends can’t type on a touchscreen, or that they just can’t type?

(Would go a long way towards explaining those tic-tactiles, wouldn’t it?)

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CEOh-Snap! RIM Boss: Touchscreens Stink — Let’s iClone One!

This. Is. iPhone JEOPARDY!

Welcome everyone to the smartphone space where competing CEO’s answer in nothing resembling the form of a question. Lucky for us, however, they’re quick on the buzzer and their bold, bodacious pontifications, more often than not, come right back to bite them on their assets.

“Why We’re Not Worried about the iPhone” for 100

Previously on iPhone Jeopardy, smartphone innovator and Folio-smasher, Ed Colligan of Palm/Treo fame jumped on the iPhone launch:

“We’ve learned and struggled for a few years here figuring out how to make a decent phone. PC guys are not going to just figure this out. They’re not going to just walk in.”

Strongly put. Let’s go to the judges…

“Initial iPhone buyers were 10 times more likely than other new phone buyers to have previously owned a Treo.”

Ouch! The correct answer seems to have been “Who are the Mac guys who walked in with a far more than a descent phone and dug into my lunch?” Better luck with Nova!

Daily Double-Talk

Next up was famed Microsoft CEO, monopolist, and internet dance phenom, Steve Balmer who went for the steal:

“You can get a Motorola Q for $99. [...] [Apple] will have the most expensive phone, by far, in the marketplace.”

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance.”

Really? Survey says!

The struggling American electronics company Motorola is considering breaking itself up through a sale or flotation of its poorly performing mobile phones business.

NPD’s figures make Apple’s Sept. quarter iPhone sales look even more stellar. Apple sold 1.12 million iPhones last quarter, representing 27% of NPD’s U.S. smartphone market and 3% of the overall Q3 cellphone market.

D’oh! The correct answer looks to have been, “Who was hardly the most expensive and grabbed even more mindshare than their impressive first-year market share (not to mention dominating customer satisfaction reports) while companies I mentioned prepared to flee the space?” No bonus points for lack of bold ActiveSync licensing predictions. Come back next time with WinMob 7, b’okay?

Final Jeopardy!

Now we have current smartphone market leader RIM’s business “pusher”, and outage-plugger extraordinaire Mike Lazaridis taking “Post SDK Over-Reactions” for a thousand:

“Talk — all I’m [hearing] is talk about [the iPhone's chances in Enterprise]. I think it’s important that we put this thing in perspective.” [...] “Apple’s design-centric approach [will] ultimately limit its appeal by sacrificing needed enterprise functionality. I think over-focus on one blinds you to the value of the other.” [...] “Apple’s approach produced devices that inevitably sacrificed advanced features for aesthetics.”

Final answer? Okay, pens down and no peeking!

Well, what do you think? Will RIM’s success just keep on multiplying, or did the Blackberry Boss just gamble it all away?

Find out next time on iPhone Jeopardy!

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CEOh-Snap! RIM Boss Plays iPhone Jeopardy